Agosto 2008, RIA Zona Sur - Quito - Stacie

WEEK ONE- Formation house in the valley
If I had to choose one phrase to describe my first week in Quito, Ecuador in the Verano en Mision program, I would use culture shock. There were a many elements to this culture shock but the main issues were the language, the denomination, and the community.
The first thing that was very different was the language. I have taken Spanish classes since I was twelve years old and even minored in it in college. Despite this, I had difficultly understanding what the people around me were saying and struggled to communicate with them, scrambled for words in my mind and Spanish dictionary. I had expected to understand more than I did and this was a rude awakening that left me feeling alone and isolated. I was very different from all the rest there and felt this feeling profoundly. The second night in the house we stayed in the Valley I went off alone and broke down crying and calling out to God. I clung to my bible and read it a lot that night, not only in an effort to find comfort but also just for the fact that it was in my native tongue. A couple of the other students in the program found me crying and I told them I was scared and missed my family. They talked to a couple of the leaders and I was told I could go into town the next day to email my family.
The second element that was a struggle for me was the denomination of the group in VEM. Although they support ecumenism in this community, I was the only Protestant there and the only one they had ever had in the program. The first day of the program, Sergio came to me and explained the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism, which were just that they believe in saints and put more importance on the Virgin Mary than we do. I had already known these things and did not see it as a problem that we have small differences, as I believed we were both Christians who believed the same gospel. I felt that some people, when they found out I was not Catholic, were skeptical of my faith and questioned what I was doing there.
The final element that was involved in the culture shock was the community the program is a part of called Jesus es el Seno, or Christ the King in English, a branch of the Sword of the Spirit communities. The Sword of the Spirit is an international, ecumenical association of Christian covenant communities seen in twenty-four countries around the world. The communities believe in a Charismatic Spirituality and the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit can be seen manifested in their groups, especially during the prayer assemblies held once a week.
I have grown up in a church that is classified as non-denominational and have never been exposed to Charismatic Spirituality. For this reason, I was a little put off and intimidated when I first heard many people in the VEM program speaking in tongues and praying aloud at the same time. In my church, we only have one person pray at a time and generally do not clap or dance around during praise and worship. Although I was intimidated and saw that the community was very different from my own, I was interested and kept as open mind to their practices. The first prayer assembly was a sharp contrast to what I am used to but I enjoyed it and felt that God’s spirit was with me. Before this prayer meeting, which was four days after I arrived at the program, I felt very far from God and had doubts about him because it seemed I served a very different God than the people in VEM.
Although I had a moment, where I was made aware of God’s presence and had my heart filled by him in that first prayer assembly, the first week was filled with much doubt. During my times of prayer and meditation when I was alone with God, I would question him and his character. I wondered why we should give so much glory and honor to him thinking that it was selfish of him to want these things. I also wondered why he created the earth if he knew that there was going to be sin and that people would go to hell, also questioning if he created sin. I never questioned whether he was real or not but I questioned different elements of who he was and whether he really loved people.
I thought and prayed a lot about my different questions and told God to please reveal answers to me and help me to understand him. I read different verses about doubt, salvation, and God’s love for humankind. One of the breaking moments for these doubts was when we watched a clip in one of our training sessions from the movie The Passion, in which Jesus is shown being beaten and then hung on the cross. I started crying in this moment, realizing that God did love us and although there was sin, there was a way out of its reign because such a great sacrifice was made. I saw salvation from a new perspective and the power and impact of Jesus’ sacrifice was made more alive than it had ever been in my life.
Throughout the VEM program, we had one day of the week were we would fast and work to focus all our efforts on God and what he wanted to do in our life. The first day of fasting was the Wednesday of the first week. On this day, in the morning, I had prayed to God to please show himself to me and help me with my doubts. This was a day of impact for me and to illustrate it I will copy and paste a section of my journal from that day.
“Yesterday was such a day for me. I fasted and the Lord blessed me immensely. David Mijares came here and spoke in a charla. Afterward I spoke with him in English about the charla and life and began crying. He gave me a big hug and said to hang in there, you can do this. He told me how hard it was for him when he lived in the US and was trying to learn English. This was the first time I met him but God used him in my life so much. He told me he loved me and kissed my cheek, gave me another hug and said to take refuge in God and other encouraging words. So yesterday I would definitely say that God passed by. He filled my heart and blessed me beyond measure. I was doubting him and wondering why he deserves so much glory. But seeing a man like David and knowing it was all the Lord made things clear to me. My desire is to be a woman of the Lord like that. He had the presence of God so strongly. Praise the Lord for he is good. His steadfast love endures forever.”

As was the case throughout the entire VEM program, the remainder of the first week still involved many hurdles and struggles. On Friday, I wrote in my journal of how I wanted to hear God’s voice speak to me and how I did not know what I was going to do when I got home. I also wrote about how I usually am able to make the most of situations I do not like but that I was having a difficult time doing this in VEM. I wrote, “I want you to have the glory and to form and transform my character. I do not like it here, it is very hard, and I feel alone, different, scared and nervous. I am not Catholic and I feel strange when they talk about Catholic things and all that but I realize I need to learn to do things I do not like and do not want to do with a willing spirit and thankful heart in order to have a stronger character and love for you. Thank you Lord.” On that morning, when I wrote those things, I felt that God spoke to me saying that I needed to look to him and that he loved me and had plan for me that is better than my own.
Throughout the first week of VEM, we had many small seminar sessions every day. I learned different things from these sessions but they were not of huge impact, as I was not able to understand a lot because it was all in Spanish. We also had everyone give their testimony, some of these touched my heart but were very difficult to understand because of the different accents, and fast people spoke. For some of them, I would ask after for some explanation of the person’s story and for them to tell me again speaking slower.

WEEK TWO- Formation house- La Sede
My second week in the VEM program was spent doing a soccer camp for the children of different families in the community in the morning and meetings for missions in the afternoon. These two elements of the program were not of big impact and I mostly read during the soccer camp and did not understand most of the meetings as they were in Spanish.
The prayer times of the week at La Sede were a difficult time for me and I struggled with the formality of them and felt they were becoming a ritual for me in which I could not focus on God. Because I am used to spending time with God alone, either walking and praying to him, reading my Bible and meditating or writing in my journal, it was difficult for me to focus during the prayer meetings when everyone would pray aloud at once. I would end up listening to the others around me and thinking about how uncomfortable I was. I struggled with the fact that we had to pray in a certain room and light candles and wear either a skirt or pants over our pajamas. It felt like there were times when we would do the prayer meeting in that specific way just for the sake of tradition and not because we wanted to connect with God. I assumed they believed that was the only way to connect with God, during those times, and struggled with this. This struggle lasted until nearly the end of the program.
Another one of my struggles with the second week was feeling like the program was very rigid and left little room for personal thought or belief. It was the second week of formation and one of the things I struggled with was whether it was formation by God or formation by the people in leadership positions. I felt a lot of pressure to do things the way the people in leadership wanted you to do them and wrestled with whether that was what God wanted from me. I was constantly praying that he would transform me, form strong character in me, and show me what he wanted even if it was not in agreement with the leaders. I also wrestled with the fact that I am not in a Sword of the Spirit community and therefore did not know their ideas or rules and it felt awkward to be in their formation program while in this position. I wish now that I would have asked more questions about the community’s beliefs and practices and talked to someone about my struggles at this time.
Aside from my struggles, the second week was a time of opening up as a person and building relationships with the others in program. My prayer before I went to Ecuador was that I would not feel alone and different and that I would make at least one close friend. In the first week of the program, it was hard because these prayers were unanswered. However, the second week, I began to feel more accepted and understood more Spanish making it easier to connect with those around me. My personality came out and I began enjoying different moments with my fellow Vemitas. This was really a blessing and I had some intense conversations with those around me that encouraged me and helped me to carry on.
The second weekend of the program was spent on a university excursion where we went camping at a national park. This weekend was one of my favorite parts of the program. I really enjoyed meeting new people from other cities around Ecuador and having conversations with them about their communities in those cities. I met people on this trip that I instantly bonded with and who was of great encouragement to me. It was nice to be able to get out, be in God’s creation, and enjoy some down time with friends. I had struggled a lot by this time and was very stressed and the weekend excursion was like a breath of fresh air.

WEEK THREE- Missions in Imantag
The third week of the program was spent on a mission’s trip to Imantag. The itinerary of the program was to spend time with the children from the town in the morning and do door-to-door evangelism in the afternoon. As with the whole program, there were many ups and downs involved in this week.
One of the difficult things involved in this week was when, on Tuesday night, one of the leaders came to me to talk about whether I wanted to go on missions because I am not Catholic. He said that many believe that if you are not Catholic, you are not converted yet and that I might hear people say Evangelicals are a cult. I was with another Vemita when I talked to this leader and this helped a lot because it was difficult for me to understand his accent and I wasn’t (and am still not) exactly sure of what he said. The other Vemita and I both responded with saying that we believed we were not going out to proclaim the differences between Catholics and Protestants but rather the love of Christ and his sacrifice for us. I told the leader that I wanted to go on the missions and see how it went and if there were a problem, I would consider going back to the city for the remainder of the trip. It was very difficult for me to hear this because it felt like although the community there says they support ecumenism I did not feel support. I could see that those people loved God and that their faith was real but was not sure if they believed the same about me. I had felt that we could find unity in Christ despite our differences but when it was shown that others did not feel this way it was difficult to swallow.
I ended up going door to door with my group every day and learned a lot from this experience. Initially I was skeptical of the idea of walking into someone’s home, sharing a verse, and leaving because I prefer an evangelism that is relational or that helps someone in a physical way such as feeding the hungry. Despite my doubts, I went and ended up liking going into these people’s homes and praying for them specifically and telling them God loves them. There were a couple houses in which someone would open up to us and share their struggles with things such as alcoholism, abuse, and unfaithfulness and it was cool to be able to pray for these things with them.
It was during the third week that I had one of my lowest points during the trip. On Wednesday night, we had a prayer meeting that was meant to be stronger than usual and intense. During the meeting, one of the girls in front of me had a Slain in the Spirit and fell back, hit her head on the table and then fell on my feet. Before VEM, I had never heard of being Slain in the Spirit and this was the second one I had seems during the program. When the girl fell on my feet it scared me and I yelled, “Oh my gosh!” After a moment, I realized she had not had a heart attack but was rather slain in the spirit when others came over to pray for her and seemed happy for her. In this moment, I panicked and suddenly felt very afraid and isolated. I stood there, staring at the girl on the ground and wondering what was going on. I felt dizzy, most likely from the anxiety, and thought I might fall over and wondered if I was going to be slain in the spirit even though I did not want to be, as I had no idea what it was or why it happened. I stayed for the remainder of the prayer meeting but could not focus on anything but how afraid and uncomfortable I was.
The next morning, I went to morning prayers but it was only a few minutes before I started crying and had to leave. I went to a spot on my own, with my bible and journal and began crying out to God and pouring out my heart. I told him how I was scared, confused, and did not know what to do. I had been feeling a lot of pressure to speak in tongues, hear God’s voice, be slain in the Spirit, and be formed in the way my leaders wanted me to be formed. I broke down and shared with God that I did not know how to do all these things and did not feel comfortable with them because I did not understand them. I said that I loved him and wanted to do what he wanted but that I really did not know what that was and did not know how to please him. After a long time of sitting there and crying out to God, a profound peace came over me as God filled me up and made me realize I needed to stop trying to please him in these ways. I realized it was ok if I did not speak in tongues or be slain in the spirit, what was important was that I connect with God. After this morning, I spoke with one of the leaders of how I felt overwhelmed and asphyxiated by some of the things in the community and asked if I could have a break from the prayer meetings and mass. She said that she understood how it could be hard for some outside of the community to experience all those things and said that was fine. After that, I spent time alone with God when there was mass or a prayer meeting and these were some of my best times with him that I truly treasure. I talked with another leader the next day and he told me how the important thing was not that I practice charismatic spirituality but rather that I was in communication with God. This was like another breath of fresh air that lifted a burden off my back and changed my perception of everyone in the community thinking we had to connect with God in those ways. The rest of missions went really well and was a time of enjoyment and peace.

WEEK FOUR- In Quito at Veronica’s house
My last week of the program was spent in Quito at my friend and fellow Vemita Veronica’s house. This was an amazing time in which I was able to explore the city, meet and stay with awesome people, and grow closer to a friend I will always have. I felt a strong sense of peace during this time and continued having blessed times with God. By the end of my last week, I wanted to stay in Ecuador longer but already had my flight home booked.

Overall, my experience in the VEM program was something I would never take back and a time of growth and learning and falling in love with Jesus more. God really worked in my life and purified my heart in more personal struggles during this time that are not mentioned here. I made lasting friendships, learned a lot more Spanish, and learned about a spirituality I knew nothing about. I can now see beauty in what seemed like a mess while I was there and praise God for giving me my time there. I have learned many things from this experience and one of them is that I must trust God during the hard times and not once, they are over. He was there with me the entire time, loving me and working in me, and desires my heart at all times, not just when things are going well and are easy. I understood Jesus’ love for me in a way I had never understood before and began seeing life with him as an exciting journey and not something that brings me fear. I am thankful to Sergio for breaking the rules to let me into the program and to all the other people who were there that helped me in my time of need.

I Thessalonians 5:18
..give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Stacie Furman